WORDS

 

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...”

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

WHO DOES WHAT

 

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, " You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the new Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS.'

WOMEN'S REVENGE

 

"Cash, check, or charge," I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..."

I have a question…

Nagasaki 1945, after the atomic bomb...

 

Nagasaki 2011, following earthquake and tsunami...

QUESTION: What the heck is that arch made out of?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

 

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

"You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--00-000 much cheaper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own... so does she.”

CREATION

 

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time. The wife responded, "Let me explain. God made me so beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you."

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning , the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 am. Wake up."