MJ

Why can't Michael Jackson play chess?

Because he can't decide whether to be black or white!


LOL Thanks Taylor!

Sunbeams

Doctor: "Well, Mrs. Olsen, we've talked about your high blood pressure and your medications. Are you experiencing any particular stress in your life?"

Patient: "Oh, yes! It's the Sunbeams. They're driving me crazy."

Doctor: (very surprised) "The sun beams?"

Patient: "Yes. I've never had trouble with them before, but this group won't sit still. They bounce all over the room, and run out the door and down the hall."

Doctor: (reaching for a pen) "Have you told anyone about this?"

Patient: "Of course, I told the president."

Doctor: "Really! What did the president tell you?"

Patient: "She said Sunbeams are like that. I'm just going to have to learn to deal with them."

Doctor: (concerned that he may be missing something) "I know people who are sensitive to sun beams. Do they cause you a rash or anything?"

Patient: (confused) "A rash? No."

Doctor: "What's the biggest problem they're creating?"

Patient: "It's the noise. They just won't quit talking."

Doctor: (astonished) "The sun beams are talking to you?"

Patient: "Well, yes. But mostly they talk to each other."

Doctor: (scribbling furiously in the chart) "I see. Can anyone else hear them talking?"

Patient: "You're not LDS are you?"

"We live in an amazing, amazing world, and it's wasted on the crappiest generation of spoiled idiots."