Our ward in a nutshell

HIGH PRIESTS

High Priests are like old jeeps, they can't carry much,
but they're reliable and will never leave you stuck.

RELIEF SOCIETY

Relief Society women are like Lamborghinis, They are
very beautiful, move really fast, and are lots of fun,
but you had better spend time and money
maintaining them, or you'll be sorry.

ELDERS

Elders Quorum brethren are like freight trains.
They can carry a lot and work hard, but it
take a lot of energy to get them going.

YOUNG MEN

Young Men are like bullet bikes.
They can go 200 miles per hour and are lots of fun,
but one mistake and they'll wreck fast.

YOUNG WOMEN

Young Women are like Miata clubs.
Cute little cars that look like they're having fun,
but they're always in tight packs and can't
seem to figure out where they're going.

AND THEN THERE IS PRIMARY...

I'm made of...

I'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you.

Fruitcake

Fat Hips

At long last I figured out why I've got fat hips! When taking a shower I often use the rest of my shampoo to lather myself. Yesterday I read what was written on the bottle: "For extra volume and body." What a shock! No wonder it's so difficult to keep my weight under control. From now on I will use dish washing liquid for showering. It claims: "Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

ID ten T errors

This is NOT a story that happened to me.  I promise!

I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

"It was an ID ten T error."

"An ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Eric grinned... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: ID10T

A more realistic Evolution of Man

 

Elderly Couple

An elderly couple is attending church services.

About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.
It says, "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"
He scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."