10 Commandments of a Teenage Boy

1. Thou shalt not try to hide thy chips of corn from before mine eyes. I needest them for my skin above and my bones beneath for I art a growing boy.

2. Thou shalt not make me to cleanest any part of thine house, inasmuch as I likest it just the way it is.

3. Thou shalt not make thy name upon my Facebook page in a wall post or it shall be stricken off before thou can blinkest.

4. Remember the Saturday to keep it wholly for the purpose of mine rest. For in five days I have laboured diligently with mine brain and to grant unto me sleep is to shew mercy unto me.

5. Honour thy son's friends, that his days may be cool upon the land.

6. Thou shalt not kill my unlimited texting plan for it is the steadfast way of the rising generation.

7. Thou shalt not commit the unpardonable sin of leaving me to hunger for forty minutes, nay even forty seconds. Yea, thou shalt lay a store of food up for mine own purposes and none other.

8. Thou shalt not steal my playlist from upon the computer and try to makest me hear thy music. For inasmuch as thou thinkest my music is raucous, thine music smiteth mine ears from off mine face. I ask thee, is it good for mine ears to be smitten? Nay, I say it is not good.

9. Thou shalt not bear me to rise up and putteth away mine cell phone. Not even while I sleepest, for in the day that I do shall surely be the day when a lady, most fair above all ladies, shall text mine phone.

10. Thou shalt not covet mine full dance card, neither my manly lacrosse gloves, neither my mother of questionable humor.