The Black Bra

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been marriedf or 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:

The other night my boyfriend came over and found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, "You are the woman of my dreams. I love you. ' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"

Thanks Ashlee!

Possessed

Do you ever watch "The Biggest Loser"? I love that show.

Two weeks ago, Bob was struggling with one of the contestants, who wasn't pulling their weight. He went off on her and was yelling like you wouldn't believe. Remember Bob is the yoga guy and is usually pretty composed. So when he went off, it was quite amazing. Even Jillian said she had never seen Bob do that. Jillian is the one that yells!

Bob's comment was, "Joelle (the contestant) and I had some growing pains this week, and I was possessed by Jillian Michaels."

LOL

Quotes from "The Office"

I love this show. Last week (or the week before) when Dwight and Andy were fighting over Angela, there were 2 quotes that made The Doctor and me have to pause because we were laughing too loud and long.


First, when they were going to go outside to fight it out, and Meredith said, "I call loser!"


LMBO!!!


Then, when they were outside and the rest of the office people were watching out the window and Angela said, "I can't believe they're going to fight over me." Kelly said, "I guess people have fewer choices as they get older."

I thought we were going to die of laughter!

9 Words Women Use

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ...that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying mhtml:%7B83CC5536-0D6F-443B-B83C-C3AFF58E960E%7Dmid://00000091/!x-usc:mailto:#@&% !

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Thanks to Heidi!

Blonde Joke #1

I love blonde jokes. I am blonde and I still love them. So bring 'em on. I have probably heard them all!

A blonde is driving down the freeway when her cell phone rings. It's her husband: "I just heard on the news that there's a car going down the freeway in the wrong direction. Please try to be careful."
"It's true," the blond replies. "But not just one car - there are hundreds of them!"

The Poopie List

You knew it was coming. If you read my other blog you will have seen this before. If you haven't, you are in for a treat. I laugh out loud, every time I read. And if I try to read it out loud to someone else? Well, forget about it. I laugh too much to even make sense!

Here you go...

The Poopie List

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!

CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

Gonna Be a Bear

IN THIS LIFE I'M A WOMAN. IN MY NEXT LIFE, I'D LIKE TO COME BACK AS A BEAR. WHEN YOU'RE A BEAR, YOU GET TO HIBERNATE. YOU DO NOTHING BUT SLEEP FOR SIX MONTHS. I COULD DEAL WITH THAT.

BEFORE YOU HIBERNATE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EAT YOURSELF STUPID. I COULD DEAL WITH THAT.

WHEN YOU'R A GIRL BEAR, YOU BIRTH YOUR CHILDREN (WHO ARE THE SIZE OF WALNUTS) WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING AND WAKE TO PARTIALLY GROWN, CUTE, CUDDLY CUBS. I COULD DEFINITELY DEAL WITH THAT.

IF YOU'RE A MAMA BEAR, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU MEAN BUSINESS. YOU SWAT ANYONE WHO BOTHERS YOUR CUBS. IF YOUR CUBS GET OUT OF LINE, YOU SWAT THEM, TOO. I COULD DEAL WITH THAT.

IF YOU'RE A BEAR, YOUR MATE EXPECTS YOU TO WAKE UP GROWLING. HE EXPECTS THAT YOU WILL HAVE HAIRY LEGS AND EXCESS BODY FAT.

YUP, GONNA BE A BEAR!!

Thanks to Kelly!

Welcome

This blog is to celebrate laughter. I love to laugh. It is theraputic.


Have you ever laughed so long, your stomach hurt? I have.


Have you ever laughed so hard, you wet your pants? I have.


Here are some statistics for you:

• It takes 10 minutes on a rowing machine to get your heart rate up to the same rate as after 1 minute of hearty laughter.


• 15 minutes of laughter a day will result in 1-4 lbs of weight loss per year.


• 15 calories are burned during 10-15 minutes of laughter.


• Your endorphins and HG (an anti-aging hormone) increase 27% with laugher.


• In 1950, the average person laughed 18 minutes a day. In 2007, the average person laughed 5 minutes a day.


• A young child laughs 112 times during the day. The average for a 42 year old is 6.

So you can see that laughter is good for you.

Here is how you can help:

I want you to send me your funniest jokes, stories, pictures, etc. If they make me laugh, I will post them and give you credit. Pretty simple. You can find my email in my profile.

But remember to keep them clean. NO language at all. If you swear in the joke, either change the word or don't send it to me. I don't want to read it. And I won't change it for you.

So come on, hit me with your funnies! And I will be posting mine, of course. Here's hoping to hear from you!